It's been a long time coming, but I finally have an RN license. Now I can hopefully get back to doing stuff besides studying.

To Do List:
Prepare garden for spring
Finish raised beds
Trim raspberries
Turn compost pile
Clean house
Blog regularly

What I'm Thankful For

When I posted Saturday I was angry. Someone came up on to our back porch and stole my partner's bicycle. It's not just about the bicycle. My partner had been injured in a car accident many years ago which made it painful to sit on a bike. She's healed a lot since then and decided just a couple of weeks ago to buy a new bike and start riding again. It brought her so much joy to ride again and it was all taken away from her.
But this post is about all the things I'm thankful for. I find it helpful to think of things that are going well when something else is going poorly.
I have my family. Everyone is healthy. My youngest just got her hearing aids on Friday so now she can hear the normal human range of sound. I took a picture of her sleeping with my partner on our hammock.
Speaking of the hammock, nothing else was stolen. All that was taken was the bike.
We had a litter of rabbits born Saturday. Only one survived out of a litter of eight. That's still better than our first litter. Our first litter was born last October and they all died. The one that lived is doing well. It's hard to tell genders at this age. If it is a boy I'm naming it Harey Pot- Pie. A reference to "The boy that lived" and a dish he may be served in a couple of months.
Daddy rabbit should be thankful. I didn't know the Rosemary was pregnant. I thought he may have been sterile, since he hadn't had any litters yet. I was about to get a replacement stud and serve him for dinner.
My peas are growing well. I don't see any carrots coming up yet. I think we planted them too deep. The herbs, onions, and Swiss chard came back on their own. I also moved some red raspberry bushes to thin them out. Nothing else had been planted yet, but my brother has several plants he started indoors that will be moving out shortly and some will be planted in my garden.
I got enough financial aid to cover tuition and books for my last semester of nursing school. It's almost over. Just one more test and this semester is over. I have the summer off. It's going to be nice to have a break from school before the last push to finish my degree.
There are many more things I'm thankful for. Supportive family and friends. Cool stuff listed for free on craigslist like a proper hutch for the male rabbit. Decent grades. I could go on, but the bus is dropping me off at school and I have to get to class.

Baby bunnies

J is for Justice

Is it ever ok to take justice into your own hands? If so, under what circumstances? This is the question I ask myself this morning.
My partner's bike was stolen last night, right off our back porch. She was so happy when she bought the bike a few weeks ago. She was looking forward to riding it as part of a effort to get back in shape. She rode it several times a week since she got it. We even got a bike trailer so the little ones could ride with her.
She was so devastated. We don't have the money to replace it. We know we live in a bad part of town. That's why we locked it to our porch. They cut through the chain and stole it anyway.
We have reported it stolen to the police. If it turns up they'll return it to us, but it's not like they are going to comb the ghetto to find it.
If you came here from the Pagan Blog Project you probably believe in magic and curses. Would you curse the people who did this?

H is for Helping Others

An important part of paganism, as I understand it, is the belief that we are part of an interconnected world. From the circle of life to karma, there are many explanations of that interconnectedness.  This is why helping others with no expectations of a return is part of my personal path. It's a paradox. Helping others without expecting a return guarantees a return.
I volunteer my time with Rochester Roots. It's a community supported agriculture group that works with the Rochester Public School system to provide education to inner city children and also sells shares of their produce at an affordable cost. If you want to learn more about them, check out their website www.rochesterroots.org
Today they had a work day. Several volunteers, including my family, descended on the garden to help clean it up and get it ready for planting. We all had a blast. And we helped our community at the same time.
When people think of paganism they think of the rituals and holy days. But I find the most meaning in everyday paganism. The littlest moments seem to hold the most magic. The rituals are important, but equally as important is carrying that spirituality and meaning into your daily life and out into the world where it can do it's work.

Happy Ostara

It was Ostara yesterday here in the Northern Hemisphere. It marks the beginning of Spring. The weather is warming and the snow is finally melting. I know I am excited by the prospect of winter ending.
Soon we will be planting the spring crop, mostly leafy green vegetables. I will put a fresh layer of compost in the garden to feed this year's plants. I also have a few new raised beds that will need to be filled prior to planting.
Also new this year are the rabbits. They are mature now and both does have been bred. We will expect their litters in a few weeks in early April. We are excited and hope that this time we can keep the kits alive. Our first litter was delivered late October and they got too cold and didn't make it.
I am also still in school and starting the maternity segment of nursing school. It's only eight weeks long and is going to be a lot of work in a short amount of time.
Of course I also have my wonderful partner and our daughters. The two year old has so much energy and wants to help. The two month old just wants to be held all the time. They make any task more complicated, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.
This spring we have so much going on and so much to be thankful for. We gladly welcome in the Spring and all the blessings it will bring!

I may be crazy

Am I crazy? I don't know that many people contemplate this question, but I do. A lot, actually.
I'm in my third semester of nursing school and we are currently studying psychiatric nursing. And it's bringing up a lot of stuff for me.
I believe my mother has undiagnosed mental illness. Ever since I've understood the concept I've had this opinion. I have spent my whole life worrying that I might go crazy, either because of genetics or environment.
Studying the nursing approach to caring for people with mental illness brought all those questions back to the foreground of my mind. It didn't help that with the new baby I haven't been getting enough sleep and sleep deprivation can cause similar symptoms as some mental illnesses.
So I spent a lot of the last couple of weeks worrying and questioning my sanity. My eventual conclusion is that all I have is a bad case of sleep deprivation, stress, and textbook syndrome (the belief you have an illness described in your textbook).

Sometimes Plans Change

Sometimes plans change. And that's ok. My plan had been to build a shed last Friday. But when I took another look at my resources I decided that a less ambitious project was more appropriate. So instead of a shed I built a rabbit hutch.
It was something I needed anyway and I had most of the materials on hand. Plus it was something that, unlike the shed, could be completed in the time available with the help that I had. So I did a little shopping, my brother and his stepson came over and the the of us built this:

Sure it could be better, but I'm not complaining. As an added bonus, this hutch cost me less than ten dollars to build. Most of the materials were recycled wood.
It's about to get very cold and windy here so I will be putting the finishing touches on to make it more homey and moving the rabbit in before the temperature starts dropping again.

Getting ready

It's February now and we are getting ready for spring. There is a foot of snow on the ground, but we know it won't be long now.
We currently have cold weather plants in the cold frames that were planted last fall that are just waiting for warmer temperatures to really take off. We also have three rabbits (one male and two females) and we are waiting for warmer weather before breeding them.
This year we are moving the compost pile. The current location is not large enough any more. Any compost that is ready will be used in the raised beds I finished before winter set in and the rest will be moved to the new location.
Also on the to do list is building a shed. It will be used to house the rabbits and chicken in cold weather and to site yard tools when the animals are in their hutches. The plan is to do that this week while the weather is above freezing. I'll post pictures when complete.
I leave you a picture of one of my daughters with a rabbit. She really is excited holding him.

It's a new year

This year has a lot of changes coming. Last month my second daughter was born. She is so beautiful. We are still getting settled into a new routine. But I'm not getting a lot of sleep. Which isn't great since I'm still in school.

I just started my third semester of nursing school. I'll graduate next December. From here in January it seems so far away.

This year I also have meat rabbits. I've had a little problem getting my breeding program started. My buck has the enthusiasm, but lacks accuracy. I'm not too concerned right now because it has been so cold this winter. We've been in single digits a lot. I don't know that I could keep the kits warm if we had any.

The garden is going well. Despite the freezing temperatures, my plants are still alive and well in their raised bed hoop houses.

I would like to announce my plans to start posting regularly, but I've had trouble keeping that resolution in the past. We will see what happens.

Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving I have given some thought to the things I am thankful for. I am thankful for many things, but chief among them is my family. In particular I am writing about my daughter.

My daughter is wonderful. She is a very happy child (most of the time) and very active as well. She just turned two and her vocabulary is exploding. Every day it seems she knows a new word.

My daughter makes me excited about the future. Every time I look at her I see a multitude of possibilities. I can't wait to find out what she chooses to do. Her life is like a really good book I can't put down.
Right now she like to climb. Maybe she'll become a professional rock climber. She's very photogenic. Maybe she'll be an actress or model. Both of her parents are smart. Maybe she'll go to college and become a world famous mathematician or astrophysicist. She likes blocks and trains, so maybe she'll be an engineer or architect. Or maybe she will have a smaller life, but one still full of meaning.

One thing is for certain. I can't wait.

What's New

It's been a really long time since I last posted. My daughter is waking up so here is a quick list of what's new.

I finally have rabbits, but, thanks to a mistake, I have two females instead of a male and a female.

I have mini hoop houses on my raised beds.

One of my dogs died.

I have another daughter on the way.

I just got a scholarship for school.

I think that covers the big things. I will make a more detailed post later.

Garden Bounty

Because I was busy with school and Dr. Feather was pregnant with our second child, we never got a proper garden put in this year. However, life goes on and we were blessed with some unexpected garden bounty. A bunch of squash type plants started growing out of our compost pile. I began to refer to them as our "mystery squash". Now some of our plants are producing fruit and they are not so mysterious anymore.

 

This is a pumpkin that is growing on one of our plants. We also have some acorn squash. This year we get to reap where we did not sow, which is great because we didn't do much sowing. We also have some tomato and swiss chard growing out of compost. 

I did get some things done in the garden. I planted some rosemary, a couple of tomato plants, and a bunch of lettuce. Which brings me to another things I did this year. Rabbits!

This is my new female New Zealand rabbit. I just got her and her mate a couple of days ago. In a few months they will be ready to breed and a few months after that the children will be big enough to eat. I know a lot of people won't be comfortable with that, but I'm taking responsibility for the meat I eat by producing some of it myself. If you aren't squeamish about killing your food, meat rabbits are a good investment. They eat weeds, their poop makes great fertilizer, and they say a female can produce up to 90 lbs of meat a year. Also, their skins can be tanned and either sold or handcrafted.

All in all, it is turning out to be a decent year. I'm sure next year will be even better.

Summer plans

I have become woefully behind in my blog. I have no excuses. But I do have some plans for my summer. I have decided to get rabbits. I want to get them by August so we can have rabbit fur by Yule. So I've got to hustle on my home improvements. I promise pictures when I by build the hutch.

G is for Gratitude

About a month ago I was feeling stressed out with problems at work and the added workload from nursing school. I was in one of those negativity spirals and it was starting to cause problems at home. After a serious amount of meditating to rebalance everything, I watched a movie called "The Secret". It was a very interesting movie, with much that can be applied to magickal theory. If you haven't watched it, I recommend that you do.
The thing that I really brought away from this movie, was that good thing happen when we are grateful for what we already have. The movie was written for a non magical audience and explained it in terms of the universe giving you what you thought about on a regular basis. If you are constantly worrying about things you believe are out of your control, then you get more of the same, but if you are thinking about all the great things that are happening for you, more great things happen. An example was given of a man who picked up a random stone and put in into his pocket. Every time he touched the stone, he thought about all the thing he was grateful for. Because he put the stone into his pocket every morning and took it out every night, he touched it least twice a day.
I thought that sounded like a great idea and the perfect fix for my stress problem. Instead of a plain rock, I used a piece of rose quartz for its properties of self-love and acceptance. Every time I touch it I think of the things I'm grateful for. I have been carrying this stone around in my pocket for a month now and I can definitely tell a difference. My stress level has stayed low and hasn't gone up since using this technique.
Managing stress is important for everyone, but may be more so for those involved in magic. Stress can affect spell work, and can be especially killer for those using healing magic. Plus, spirits who are attracted to stress typically aren't the most pleasant. Also, the daily expression of thanks really does attract good thing into your life. Telling the people in your life how much you appreciate them doesn't hurt either.
Remember to find the magic in the little things, even if it is just a pebble in your pocket.

F is for Facing my Fears

If you find this post confusing or disturbing, I encourage you to read my post Death and Shamanic Dismemberment for the Pagan Blog Project 2012.
Back in January, I was getting ready to enter the nursing program and was feeling very stressed out. I decided to meditate on it to calm my mind and relax my emotions. I told my guides that I would welcome whatever journey I needed to have since I find that trying to force a journey gets very poor results.
I put on a shamanic drumming CD and got comfortable. I decided to start with visualization. I read about an exercise that was supposed to help you release stress. You were supposed to visualize yourself dropping your stress into a deep well.
So I did just that. I dropped my stress down the well. As I was looking down the well, black tentacles reached out of it and pulled me down the well.
It was pitch black. I was surrounded by darkness so thick I could feel it envelope me. I wasn't alone. I could sense something else circling me in the darkness.
A voice asked me, "What do you fear?"
"The unknown", I replied.
It ripped my left arm off. "What do you fear?" It asked again.
"Not being good enough."
It ripped my other arm off. "What do you fear?"
"Not being there for me family"
Now it tore off my right leg. "What do you fear?"
"Not being able to take care of them"
It tore off the left leg. "What do you fear?"
"Losing control"
What remained of my body was destroyed. I existed without a body. The voice spoke again. "You have faced your fears. They have destroyed your body. Do you feel dead? You still exist. You can exist without your fears to define you. You don't need them."
A small light, like a seed, appeared in the darkness. It began to grow, forming bones, nerves, muscles and organs. "This is what is left of you without fear. Do you see it growing? You no longer need your fears, let them go." The light grew into a new body for me and I possessed it.
The voice spoke to me some more with private instruction that I am not allowed to share.
It was important that I share this journey, because you don't need your fears either. Letting go of fear is a daily process. It may never be complete. But it is a challenge worth taking. If you can let go of your fears, what could possibly hold you back?

E is for Energy Healing

My partner, Heather, is a chiropractor and has a Master's in Chinese medicine. Many people come to her for healing. It is amazing the things she can do to help people without invasive surgery and costly medications. But when she feels that the person needs energy work done, she refers them to me. I always do what I can, and they tell me it makes a big difference, but, aside from 3rd degree Reiki, I haven't had any formal training. I've picked up things from other practitioners, and the spirits have taught me a few techniques over the years.
This year, I made a commitment to learn new things. I started by looking at martial arts, since I've always wanted to learn. As I checked out various teachers and style offered in my area, I came across Qi Gong. Strictly speaking, Qi Gong isn't a style of martial arts, but it is closely related. Roughly translated, Qi Gong means "cultivating energy" (nqa.org). It is a self healing practice that teaches the student how to control and balance the energy within his or her own body to promote health.
I have heard of Qi Gong before and had considered studying it, but when I was doing my research I found out something I didn't know. Qi Gong mastery can be applied to energy healing. At a certain level of mastery, the student of Qi Gong can not only manipulate the Qi in their own bodies for healing, but the Qi in others as well.
That was the deciding factor for me. I registered the next day and I am now taking Qi Gong classes with a local instructor. Later this year I hope to begin taking the Qi Gong healing classes and add these new skills to my existing knowledge of energy healing.
Remember that there is magick in even the smallest acts, and even tiny alterations can create big change.

D is for Divination: an interview with JD Aricchi

For this week’s Pagan Blog Project post, I wanted to do something special. So I interviewed JD Aricchi, a friend of mine who is making his first foray into publishing with The Ethereal Oracle.

Me: Thank you for taking the time to do this interview. You have a new oracle deck coming out soon. When will it be available?

JD: The official release date is 3/11/13, but pre-order specials are going on now.

Me: Tell me more about this deck. What makes it special?

JD: This is an original oracle deck created from a selection of 45 pieces from over ten years of intuitive art as spirit art pieces. The deck is based on universal concepts. The mind/body/spirit balance coupled with color. It has no real boundaries of ideology.  Additionally, the downloadable book that will accompany the deck will include detailed insights on the card meaning or representation in many typical placements or positions and purposes.

Me: You said the deck is made up of spirit art. What can you tell me about your work?

JD: My artwork is created for the purpose of guidance for the individual it is created for. Initially, there was an intended recipient that the piece was created for. However, it is the energy and what the picture conveys on various levels of consciousness that is ultimately at work. Being energy, it can have an equally substantial meaning for any other person viewing or experiencing it. It is similar to interacting with a gemstone. I use a general “map” or guideline to interpret the work which is outlined in the book and in my workshops.

Me: The creation of this art seems to be a very intuitive process.

JD: Indeed, but maybe not how some may think. Initially I wrote the name of the intended recipient on the sketch. I think of the name and close my eyes and I get a general shape to start. I then begin to sketch constantly onto the paper and eventually the negative spaces and the images appear. Many times when I begin a drawing or art piece, I see lines of light or shadow on the paper and literally just follow them.

Me: How did you choose these 45 pieces?

JD: The selection process had many components to it. One component was allowing for purpose, like divine order, to intercede. Visually, which would make for a good card image and has enough depth to apply its meaning to different situations. As opposed to some images that would only have purpose for a specific, or limited, circumstances. I feel the purpose of this deck, as well as my work in general, is to give more information than answers, to empower actively choosing the present moment, and information or guidance to assist our choices in co-creating our internal and cumulative worlds.

Me: Your work is incredible. Where can we get a copy?

JD: On my website, www.infinitecreations.net or on several metaphysical shops listed on my website.

Me: Can my readers contact you for a reading through your website?

JD: Absolutely! They can also contact me through my Facebook page, Infinite Creations by JD LLC. On the web they can order spirit drawing or art. Both include written interpretations.

Me: Thank you very much for your time. Is there anything else you would like to add?

JD: This is the first of three planned decks. This first series of the Ethereal Oracle is going to be a limited quantity. Thank you for your interest.

So there you have it. I encourage you to go online to www.infinitecreations.net and reserve your copy today.  I have already pre-ordered mine and can't wait!

D is for Death and Shamanic Dismemberment

I first wrote this post for last year's Pagan Blog Project. It has been so popular that I thought I would repost it for this year.
If you want to read about my most recent dismemberment, check out F is for Facing my Fears

Death. It is inevitable and unavoidable.

I heard a story once about a man's encounter with Death. The man was in the market one morning when he saw Death staring at him. Fearing for his life, the man bought a horse and rode out of town as fast as it would carry him. Eventually, the horse would go no farther, and the man had to continue on foot. Late that night, weary and exhausted, the man became aware of another presence on the road. It was Death. Unable to run any further, the man turned to Death and asked "Why did you look at me so strangely this morning?" Death replied, "I was confused. I knew we had an appointment here tonight and I wondered how you would make it." Then Death collected the man's life.

For believers in reincarnation, death is a natural part of the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. It is a change that all living brings must eventually go through. It is our egos that fear death. When our bodies die, our souls live on and reincarnate in new bodies. Our egos, however, do not. They fear the loss of identity that comes with death. To conquer our fear of death we must first conquer our ego. Every tradition has some form of initiation designed to force the initiate to assert control over the ego and face his or her mortality.

Those who practice shamanism eventually experience what is called shamanic dismemberment. During this process, a spirit, or group of spirits, destroy the journeyer's "body". It is then remade. This is a type of initiatory experience that simulates death and rebirth. Shaman's will experience this multiple times over the course of their lives. By the time they grow old, a shaman's familiarity with death, partly through this experience, allows them to meet Death as an old friend instead of fearing it as an enemy.

A shaman that I studied with briefly conducted an exercise. She had everyone pair up and do a journey for their partner. Because there were an odd number of us, she partnered with one of us. The woman who journeyed for the shaman said that the spirits told her that the shaman was going to die. The shaman laughed and said, "They are always telling me that." She then went on to explain the dismemberment process and told us that was what the spirits were referring to.

It was not long after that I had my first experience of shamanic dismemberment. In my journey I met a spirit with the body of a man and the head of a jaguar at the top of a Mesoamerican pyramid. He instructed me to lie down on the altar in front of him, which I did. Then he ripped out my heart and ate it. He replaced the heart with one made of a neon blue light, but the flesh around it smothered the light. He breathed out a swarm of insects that completely devoured my body. When they fell away, I had a new body made of the same blue light. When I returned to my body I  felt a sense of empowerment, like something inside me had been cleansed. Since then I have also been eaten by wild animals and ripped apart by a horde of zombies.

Death is a part of the natural process. It is a consequence that follows the choice to be born. However you choose to deal with it, it is something that you will have to face sooner or later.

C is for Community

Part of what defines a shaman is their community. Shamans use their ability to move between the worlds and effect change for the betterment of their communities. In traditional cultures, the shaman is a respected member of the village who is sought out for his or her knowledge and power.
But what of those of us who are trying to reclaim our shamanic heritage after generations of religious suppression? My neighbors don't believe the way I do. If I explained what a soul retrieval was they would probably think I was crazy. So what constitutes my community?
I have given a lot of thought towards answering this question. The honest answer is that I am still not sure. Right now I would define my community as those I have formed relationships with. My community is my friends, family, and the plants, animals, and spirits that share the land I live on.